101 Ways To Tick Off Edward Elric
by FullMetal Alchemistress
Summary: What does the title say? I can use some suggestions! Rated for language probably. FAN MADE! Don't PM me saying that it's mean!. I'm an Ed fangirl!
1. 01 to 10

**--You don't wanna know WHERE I came up with this XD Anyways, if you have any ideas, let me know. I'll give you credit for it too –le gasp!!- **

**--WARNING: I'm not going to be held responsible to any brain cells lost while reading this. Please stop yelling at me. It's hurting my feelings :'( **

101 Ways To Tick Off Edward Elric

1-10

1. Call him short (nuhduh…)

2. Take all of his clothes (while he's sleeping or when ever he leaves them lying around) and switch them out for a larger size. When he puts them on, convince him he's shrinking XD

3. Make a card board cut out of a taller Ed

4. Have all the other characters (i.e. Mustang, Hawkeye, Breda, Winry, Pinako…etc) dress like him. Hair and all (wigs will be needed)

5. Send out fake invitations to Ed and so-and-so's wedding XD

6. Give Al a stick. Have him walk behind him and poke him in the back every few minutes.

7. Poke him really hard in the forehead

8. Flick him in the forehead

9. Throw random fruit at him

10. Have him meet Hiei (from YYH)


	2. 11 to 20

**--You don't wanna know WHERE I came up with this XD Anyways, if you have any ideas, let me know. I'll give you credit for it too –le gasp!!- **

**--WARNING: I'm not going to be held responsible to any brain cells lost while reading this. Please stop yelling at me. It's hurting my feelings :'( **

101 Ways To Tick Off Edward Elric

11-20

11. Show him EdxAl fanfics (ewww)

12. Show him EdxMustang fanfics (the scar-ness!)

13. Show him MustangxEnvy fanfics (what have you people been on, seriously??)

14. Tell him "Yo Mamma" jokes

15. Tell everyone around him that he's gone Emo

16. Throw him into a cage with rabid silverware (XD If you can't find rabid silverware, animals work too, but not as fun)

17. Burst out laughing and point at him, don't stop

18. Sneak into his room late at night and stare at him intently. Then leave before the sun rises. Do this every night, even if he tells you to stop.

19. Somehow clone Armstrong XD

20. Clone Mustang


	3. 21 to 30

**--You don't wanna know WHERE I came up with this XD Anyways, if you have any ideas, let me know. I'll give you credit for it too –le gasp!!- **

**--WARNING: I'm not going to be held responsible to any brain cells lost while reading this. Please stop yelling at me. It's hurting my feelings :'( **

101 Ways To Tick Off Edward Elric

21-30

21. Call Al a "Trash Can"

22. Stick Ed in a room full of Dens and Alexanders XD

23. Try to stick him in your locker

24. One word: Acupuncture

25. Stick magnets to his automail (Cannot believe I didn't think of this before XD)

26. When ever he talks to you, yell your response in his ear

27. Sing…badly

28. Chase him around with milk

29. Dump his laundry into milk

30. Swap his drink out for milk


	4. 31 to 40

**--Thank you "MrsVincentCrabbe" for numbers 31 through 35 **

**--WARNING: I'm not going to be held responsible to any brain cells lost while reading this. Please stop yelling at me. It's hurting my feelings :'( **

101 Ways To Tick Off Edward Elric

31-40

31. Tell him that Automail is SO last year.

32. Tell him that his automail is obsolete

33. Braided hair is SO feminine

34. Tell him Roy and Riza are having a child...and he's the babysitter

35. Every time you see him, try to step on him and then claim it was because  
'you didn't see him there. So short you're out of my vision field'.

36. Throw rocks at his head. Start small and work up.

37. Take a feather and rub it in Ed's face when he's awake.

38. Cling on to his leg (doesn't matter which one) and don't let go. Insist on a ride.

39. Hide inside Al, jump out and scream "happy birthday" even if it's not his birthday.

40. After doing number 39, follow him around and tell everyon


	5. 41 to 50

**--Thank you "AvalonAri" for numbers 41 through 45 **

**--WARNING: I'm not going to be held responsible to any brain cells lost while reading this. Please stop yelling at me. It's hurting my feelings :'( **

101 Ways To Tick Off Edward Elric

41-50

41. Tell him plastic is the NEW automail.

42. Cut off his braid and tell him to put it back on using alchemy.

43. Brag about what a great father you have, even if it's not true.

44. Make Envy transform into a gallon of milk.

45. Give Winry a wrench and tell her that Ed doesn't like his automail.

46. Make Ed listen to Kevin Federline (I know that's spelled wrong, whatever)

47. Slightly bleach his Red jacket so it turns pink

48. Wash his gloves with his jacket so they'll turn pink

49. Ask him if he wants to play Peek-a-boo

50. While in a library/book store, if Ed is looking at a book, say loudly "Ed, put the porno down!"


	6. 51 to 60

**--Thank you "Katty008" for numbers 51 through 55 **

**--WARNING: I'm not going to be held responsible to any brain cells lost while reading this. Please stop yelling at me. It's hurting my feelings :'( **

101 Ways to Tick Off Edward Elric

51-60

51. Stick him in the same room as Hitsugaya from Bleach for an extended period  
of time (I'm pulling a brain cloud right now, I have no idea what this is…I only started watching bleach around Christmas '06, so I'm only on episode 46. If it's beyond that, don't say anything, but if it was in an episode I've seen, please tell me what "Hitsugaya" is…)

52. Guilt trip him about leaving Winry behind.

53. Bribe Roy to act like he thinks Ed is hot.

54. Make him watch while you glomp a chibi-Envy.

55. Show him an EdxArmstrong fic 

56. Two Words: Piggyback Ride

57. Get Ed to go to an amusement park, then when he wants to go on a ride, tell him he isn't tall enough.

58. Wrap your arm in aluminum foil and braid your hair. Tell everyone Ed's an imposter.

59. Take a bunch of Diet Cokes and circle them around Ed. Drop a LOT of mentos into each one.

60. Transmute Ed's shoes into Stilettos 

**Okay, If you can, PLEASE REVIEW!! I like reviews, they make me get up every morning. I'm hoping to have this list, surpass my "100 ways to Kill Kikyou" one. So far, it's 3 behind it in the Fav.s category, and 314 page views short of it. I hope that you guys will favorite this fic and review XD **

**--FMAlchemistress **


	7. 61 to 70

**--Thank you "The Second Sight Alchemist" for numbers 61 through 65 **

**--WARNING: I'm not going to be held responsible to any brain cells lost while reading this. Please stop yelling at me. It's hurting my feelings :'(**

101 Ways to Tick Off Edward Elric

61-70

61. Auction his possessions to fangirls

62. Dye his hair while he's sleeping

63. Paint all Philosopher's Stones blue

64. Give Winry a gigantic wrench (like one of those 2 1/2 foot ones)

65. Show him all the yaoi pairings centered around him... (the reaction is sure  
to be amusing...)

66. Play basketball with his hood and many, many paper balls.

67. When you meet him for the first time, burst in to tears. When he asks what's wrong, tell him "You looked taller on T.V.!"

68. (Ever seen 50 first dates?) 10 second Tom. (for those who haven't seen it, this guy has a brain problem and he loses his memory every 10 seconds)

69. Insist he sing with you. Nursery Rhymes work best, but Rap or Emo may work better.

70. Two more words: Finger Paint

**Hehehe. I love doing this. I have an FMA calendar sitting right in front of me. So when ever I look up, Ed's pissed face is looking back. It's a screen shot from one of the last Episodes. The one called "Goodbye" I think. He's facing away from Mustang, who is standing behind him, and the sun is setting and Ed looks pissed off. The sky is pretty though. Rainbow!!**


	8. 71 to 80

**--Thank you: **

**"E.Mahiru" for number 71 and 74-79 (I had to be difficult! XD) **

**"Half-Angel" for numbers 72 and 73 **

**--WARNING: I'm not going to be held responsible to any brain cells lost while reading this. Please stop yelling at me. It's hurting my feelings :'( **

101 Ways to Tick Off Edward Elric

71-80

71. Copy badly written/dirty/stupid books as many times as you can and stock  
Central's entire library with them, removing the real collection to some other  
place. Watch him rant about what is wrong with the military.

72. When he says "No" to the Munchkin scene reply "Then...was it Austin Powers?"

73. Point at Ed and yell "Hey! Weren't you in the munchkin scene in Wizard of  
Oz?!"

74. Tell him you've figured out a way to transmute Lucky Charms (or some other  
strange substance) into gold using alchemy. Leave without explaining how and  
watch him struggle in the library trying to figure it out.

75. Tell him Winry's making heavy automail to stunt his growth on purpose. Watch  
the chain effect- he'll be mad at Winry, but he'll be madder at you later when  
he comes back with several red wrench-bumps on his head.

76. Gather one-thousand (or one million, depending on your connections) fangirls  
outside wherever he happens to be staying and say (in unison, which may  
require orchestration) "I thought he would be taller!" every time he walks in  
or out of the building.  
(Warning: This may- no, scratch that- This will DEFINITELY result in  
casualties).

77. Tell Al that Ed likes being flicked in the forehead. Tell Al it calms Ed  
down.  
Warning: BOTH brothers will be mad at you later. Say your prayers.

78. Call him short every chance you get for an entire day, and then when he says,  
"Stop calling me short!" pretend not to know what he's talking about.

79. Carry him to meetings or places where you know he's going. Tell him it's  
faster than going on his short little legs.

80. Have a "Who's Shorter" Contest between Ed, Hiei (From YYH) and Hitsugaya (From bleach. I think he's short if I'm thinking of the same person.) with Yusuke, Kuwabara (Both from YYH), Ichigo (bleach), and Mustang as the Judges

**Yup. This is fun. I'm getting my teeth drilled today in about an hour, So I wont be on much. Yeah, I have 7 cavities XD (Stay away from the Chocolate Cookie Crisp) anyways. This guy needs to remember that he has his hands in my mouth...I bite...No needles...**


	9. 81 to 90

**--Yeah! Almost done. I'll need some good suggestions for the last ten. 'Kay? **

**--WARNING: I'm not going to be held responsible to any brain cells lost while reading this. Please stop yelling at me. It's hurting my feelings :'( **

101 Ways To Tick Off Edward Elric

81-90

81. Paint his face while he sleeps.

82. Paint his face while he's awake.

83. Follow him around all day. Every time he asks you something, perfume a random haiku of an unrelated topic, then smile really big

84. Introduce her to Kikyou (InuYasha) ((Sorry Kikyou fans, I find her slightly annoying…)

85. Follow him around all day asking "Are we there/done yet?"

86. Leave him in a room full of car salesmen

87. Constantly run into the back of him, then say you didn't see him there.

88. When you go to restaurant, request a height char/booster seat for him

89. When he isn't looking, spray him with water

90. When he isn't looking, spray him with perfume.


	10. 90 to 100

**--Thank you "UndeadTiger" for numbers 91 and 92, and "The Intelligent Alchemist" for numbers 93 and 94. **

**--WARNING: I'm not going to be held responsible to any brain cells lost while reading this. Please stop yelling at me. It's hurting my feelings :'( **

101 Ways To Tick Off Edward Elric

91-101(?)

91. Swing on his braid like a vine.

92. Constantly tug on his cowlick.

93. Convince him Mustang's fangirl group is "bigger"

94. Tell him he has a girl voice ((A/N: SORRY! WE ALL LOVE V.M.!! NO OFFENSE WAS MENT!))

95. Take a red marker and draw Al's blood seal on a few random objects. Bring them to Ed and try to convince them that it's Al (paper cups and tampons may work best!!)

96. Cut off the little hair that always sticks up and laugh saying you just cut his height by three inches

97. Give him a picture of any of your teachers. Tell him that this teacher wanted you to ask him out for said teacher.

98. Tie him to a chair, and bring in Breda (Who should be dressed like Hohenhiem, if you remember one of the later episodes, he dresses up as Armstrong and scares the crap out of everybody)

99. Introduce him to Rapunzel (From Marchen Awakens Romance) and tell Rapunzel that Ed thinks she's repulsive

100. Make him spend a day with Cheese (From Fosters Home For Imaginary Friends)

And now, for number 101!!!!

101. SORRY! I decided to let YOU guys decided which will be number 101! Just review and send your funniest, most creative one and I'll choose. I may even put up a few if they get an honorable mention from any of my friends ;)


	11. 101 an HMs

**--Oi! Sorry I took sooo long to update. Eh, lets call it 'unintentional suspense'. Anyways, I've just been busy with school (Already failing Latin 2!!). And dance…good GOD dance…On the dance team I'm on, we do a big dance production with all four teams. Our theme -- High School Musical: The WORST movie in the HISTORY of movies XD. No offense to anyone who actually LIKES it, because it's an excellent movie for littler kids – not HIGH SCHOOLERS! I'm part of the basketball peeps, so I have to do a sort of rhythmic tap. It's fun, but really. We do that song "We're all in this…etc" and my teacher, Mrs. Lori is like "It's only because a famous choreographer made up these steps, If **_**I**_** had made it up, you guys would be like 'Uh-uh! I am NOT doing this!'. I think the steps are corny and childish and that the actors are terrible. I thin Ashley and Zac are fake (no matter how good looking they are). Anyways, there's my tangent of the week, on to the 101 picks!!**

**--I did it like this: **

Finally, submitted by DrNitrotheElementEmperor

101. Force Ed to read this fic

**--And now, these are a list of ones I really liked, you could call them the 'Honorable Mentions' (in no particular order):**

-- Submitted by The Intelligent Alchemist

1. Tell Winry Ed's gay. Watch her as she tries to do things with her new "Gay best friend"

2. Tell him Mustang has a new TV show too: The Flame Alchemist

-- Submitted by MrsVincentCrabbe

1. While he's asleep, tattoo a chibi Mustang on his chest. A very amorous chibi Mustang.

-- Submitted by AvalonAri

Gather a mob of fanBOYs and bring them to Ed, rallying them together and shouting, "CHHAARRGGEE!!"

-- Submitted by FMA lover912

1. Walk around with a tape measurer and constantly compare his height with things taller that him.

**--Hope you enjoyed this fic!! I only recently started to get into DN Angel, so I'm only on episode 18, if only I had written this a little later, I could have made a few with the uber hot Dark in them. BTW: It took me until episode 14 to figure out that 'Krad', was 'Dark' backwords, and it took me until episode 17 to figure out that DN Angel had Daisuke Niwa's initials in the title…lol.**


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